…and I’m not feeling very excited.
The unpredictability of life is frightening. In that momentary pause between inhalation and exhalation, life can change dramatically. Tragedy, which failed to provide you with warning signs, can crash into your face and leave you crumbled on the floor. You wake up to find your body is intact, but you know before even looking that your heart is scattered on the floor before you in a million pieces. As you slowly sit up, you’re left wondering if you’ll ever be able to glue the pieces back together.
Tragedy has struck my extended family. A young, precious, beautiful life is no more. Overcome with grief, we are wondering how we will go on. How will we move forward? How will we face each day knowing your face won’t return? How will we plan family events knowing your gorgeous smile will be absent? How will we casually drop by your house and not say hello to you? How will we be truly happy again?
Not only am I tortured by those thoughts, I have the additional burden of deciding how to move forward with our wedding. How can I feel excited about the wedding when nausea is the only thing I feel when I think about it?
I have received conflicting advice and suggestions. It’s been one hot mess, to say the least.
I’m close to making a decision. I just need a couple more days.