And so my second (and final) installment on how NOT to become Bridezilla.
3. Just because it *feels*like your wedding is the most important thing in your life doesn’t mean that it actually is.
*Sigh*. The perils of emotional reasoning.
The most important thing in your life is what your wedding symbolizes: relationships. Your relationship with your fiance, your family, his family, your friends, your bridal party, and yes, even with your vendors. Without these relationships, you wouldn’t have a wedding. And so, throughout the wedding planning process, make your best efforts to preserve and nurture these relationships.
For example, about a week after my engagement, my mom announced to me she hired my make-up and mendhi (henna) lady. It’s a woman she works with. My impulse was to say, “What the heck are you doing? It’s my face and my arms. I don’t want some random woman I don’t even know to make me look like a clown on my wedding day.” Instead, I took a breath, and I thought about what my mom might be thinking or feeling. She’s excited and she’s involving herself. In an odd way, it was cute. Rather than roaring at her, I said, “Wow. Thanks, mom, for already looking into that. I trust your opinion about mendhi, so if you think your friend is good, we can go with her. For make-up, though, I still want to look around. You know I have really sensitive skin and I can only use certain make-up products. Is that ok?” I validated, I positively reinforced, I asked for her opinion, but I was also assertively nice. Relationship preserved and nurtured. Bridezillahood avoided.
Talk to your fiance and the people involved in your wedding. Share your ideas, involve them, ask them for their opinions. Doing so will help others understand why decisions have been made, why you’re having a bad day, and what the heck is going on. Doing so will also help keep you in check–maybe someone can sound the Bridezilla Alarm (see #8).
5. Hire a wedding planner
If you can’t handle stress well, are easily overwhelmed with planning, or can’t make decisions, hire a wedding planner. She or he will bring calm to the planning storm in your brain, connect you to reality, and be the neutral person you and your fiance can go to for questions or ideas you don’t feel confident sharing with others.
J and I hired a planner, and it is the best decision we made.
6. Get a life
Go to work. Go to the gym. Go to shows. Go to the movies. Socialize. See your friends. Talk to your family.
Do things that do not involve or revolve around your wedding. Save specific time for wedding time.
If all you do and think about is your wedding, you will become obsessive, you will have little to contribute in social situations, and you might also start to expect other people to only talk to you about your wedding. Yuck.
Understandably, the weeks leading up to your wedding will be quite intensely wedding related–that’s the exception.
Please, get a life. You, your fiance, and the people in your life will be happier for it.
7. Say Please and Thank You
Manners, appreciation, and gratitude go a long way.
8. Sound the Bridezilla Alarm!
Ask your fiance and close family and friends to warn you when you are approaching the gates of Bridezillahood. Listen to them when they tell you and do something about it (that is, do something to change your direction, not something that will help your storm through the gates!)
Here is my request: if you’re reading my blog, please warn me if I am nearing the point of no return. Thank you.
So, those are my ideas. What other suggestions do you have? What have I missed?