Bridezilla: How to be or how not to be (Part 1)

Ah…the fabled Bridezilla.

Let me start by operationalizing bridezilla. (Yes, I just used the word operationalize in a blog. I can’t help it–I’m a nerd.)

Dictionary.com defines bridezilla as: “a bride-to-be who focuses so much on the event that she becomes difficult and obnoxious”.

According to the peer-reviewed site, wikipedia.com: “Bridezilla (a portmanteau of bride and Godzilla) is a generic term used to describe a difficult, unpleasant, perfectionist bride who leaves aggravated family, friends and bridal vendors in her wake.”

In other words, a bride who acts like a complete bitch.

TV shows, online dictionaries, and bridesmaid gossip all outline what makes a bridezilla. As I have no desire to become one, I got to thinking: How does one NOT become bridezilla?

1. To thine own self be true.

Ask yourself: Do I have the potential to become a bridezilla? If you answer yes, you have the potential. If you answer no, you are lying to yourself and to the world.

Getting married is a significant life change. Anytime we go through transition–whether the transition is good or bad–our stress levels can go through the roof. Throw in the varied expectations, pressures from yourself, your fiance, and family, negotiations with vendors, and the money being spent, planning a wedding can transform a lovely, sweet girl into an unrecognizable fiend!

Granted, I do think some people have more potential than others, and that’s where self-awareness is key. Ask yourself: how have I handled other event planning? how do I handle stress? how often do I need to have control? how succesful am I at asking for help in a positive way? how easily do I get frustrated? how easily do I get angry? am I prone to emotional outbursts? has anyone ever joked about me becoming a bridezilla? (um…that’s a good warning sign.)

I know I get frustrated easily. I know I like things done my way in certain situations. I know I can have a temper.

I know I have the potential to become a bridezilla. (*Ring the alarm!* )

2. Unless you are the daughter of a King or Queen or you are marrying Prince William, understand this: You are NOT a princess, nor are you becoming one.

In other words, have realistic expectations. Don’t be a selfish twit.

I often find that when people’s expectations are not met, they are disappointed. Disappointment can manifest itself in various emotions, a common one being anger. Who hasn’t had an experience when their parents are angry because they’re disappointed in something you did–you failed to meet their expectations. And anger can also manifest itself in many different behaviours–from passive aggressiveness to outright rage.

Weddings are full of expectations, most often expectations that we brides create for ourselves and others. If we make them unachievable, we are setting ourselves up for failure and disappointment…and possible Bridezillahood.

I’m not saying to set the bar low. I’m saying to set it at a height you can leap over. If you can’t afford a castle, you won’t have one, so don’t expect one. Your fiance, your bridal party, your relatives are not your servants. If your sister has 4 kids and a full time job, she can’t spend 15 hours a week helping you with your wedding. Create a realistic budget. Create a vision that can happen within that budget.

Most importantly, expect to be disappointed. Not everything will fall into place. There will be setbacks. Ask yourself, how will I cope with disappointments? Hopefully roaring at your fiance or bridal party is not one of your answers.

That’s all for tonight, folks! I’ll aim to have Part 2 up tomorrow! Sneak preview: One of the suggestions will be “Get a life”.

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One thought on “Bridezilla: How to be or how not to be (Part 1)

  1. Whoever you are, fellow blog, you sure do hit the spot well about how not to be a bridezilla. It is such a shame that some brides nowadays behave like a bunch of selfish,spoilt brats and make their family members’ and friends’ lives a pain in the bums (and an embarrassment) throughout the wedding preparations and to the wedding altar.

    You do have a point that being realistic and considerate even during the preparation of the wedding is an extremely important. And yes, having to be prepared for any possible setbacks and accident during the day is much better than throwing a tantrum that is supposed to be thrown by a five-year-old.

    Becoming a bridezilla is very uncool and if a bridezilla looks back 20 or 30 years later, I bet she must be either kicking herself for being a real jerk on her big day or be in denial by claiming she has no regrets being selfish and loving it. Perhaps she can try 20 or 30 years later, where she experiences a nasty encounter with a bridezilla in the form of her own daughter (how is that for a taste of her own medicine later on in life).

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